Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
where are my eyebrows?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
