Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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