That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
