I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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