Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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