it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
