Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Less talking, more tequila
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
