So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
