i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
