Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
