I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
