Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
