what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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