So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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