Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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