i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
