Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
