and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
