all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
