apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
