I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
