I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i used baking grease as lip gloss
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
