so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We are all done wearing pants today
is that a dick in a sweater?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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