Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
