This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
