Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
