I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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