i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
