Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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