UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
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She's the barista slut.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
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nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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