when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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