i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
