I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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