I'm eating all of the evidence.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
