$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
