he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
