You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
