I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
