I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
