i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
