trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize