M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
and she was petting her beer can
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
