just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
