She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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