I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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