i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
