my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
