I cannot find my penis.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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