after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
