honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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