I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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