i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
When did angry sex become our thing?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
