Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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