So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
