How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
