remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
