its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Your penis caused this!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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