I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
