I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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