it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
