Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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