Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You are a genius and a whore.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
