what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
