i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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