I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
