I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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