Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
