There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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