Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
