My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
