Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
