He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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