he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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