I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I need moral support for this bender
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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