i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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