i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
