Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
