Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
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you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
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there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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