its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i drank out of a bidet.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
