If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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