We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Sober January is a disaster.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
