My first STD was from a foam party
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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