you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
