Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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