i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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