your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.