So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo