they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
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I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
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Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.