But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up