nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
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He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
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I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.