i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
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So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
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My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.