What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
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The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.