I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
