The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
