turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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