I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
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I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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