Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
