So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
