Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
